Week 7 Power Rankings
I kNoW wHaT yOu DiD LaSt sUnDaY…
The text flashed across my screen, waking me from a restless sleep. My head pounded, my Texas Longhorns tee clinging to my back, soaked in a cold sweat. I fumbled for my phone on the bedside table. Last Sunday? What happened last Sunday?
Bought Halloween candy at Target. Decorated the house. Rewatched my favorite scary movies. What am I forgetting?
Then it hit me—fantasy football. My hands trembled as I unlocked my phone, switching frantically to the app. What I saw next…chilled me to the bone.
I called up our commish. “They know,” I whispered, my voice shaky, barely able to keep it together. “They freaking know.”
“Who’s ‘they’?” Alex asked. “And why are you calling? You know we only text.”
But I didn’t have an answer. I just knew that they—whoever they were—had discovered our dark secret. We, fantasy managers, feed off the performance of men who sacrifice their bodies for our fleeting joy. And now they were angry. And they wanted revenge.
It started as a warning. Josh lost DK Metcalf. “It’s just a Grade 1 MCL sprain, dude,” I reassured him. “Nothing major.” At least Metcalf had already racked up 19.9 points before he went down. He’ll be back after the bye.
But that was just the beginning.
One by one, the horror unfolded. Jayden Daniels—ribs. Mike Evans—hamstring. Brandon Aiyuk—torn ACL and MCL, out for the season. Deebo Samuel was hospitalized with pneumonia. Who even gets pneumonia?! This wasn’t a coincidence. This was deliberate. Calculated.
When Chris Godwin dislocated his ankle on Monday night, I finally snapped. I ran into the street and stood in the cleansing rain, spinning in circles, arms wide, my voice breaking as I screamed into the storm. “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! You want my entire roster? Take them! I have nothing left.”
“What are you doing?” Samantha’s voice cut through the rain, pulling me back to reality. She stood in the doorway, her silhouette framed by the porch light, worry etched across her face. “It’s just a game. These are real people’s lives.”
I looked at her, soaked to the bone, shaking as the adrenaline slowly left my body. “I know…” I stammered, my arms lowering as the storm clouds receded. “I’ll change, I promise. I see it now. Empathy is the way. Not obsession. Reality, not this sick, twisted…”
“Fantasy,” she suggested, her voice soft.
I let out a quiet chuckle. “Yeah…fantasy.”
Just then, her phone buzzed, breaking the quiet between us. She glanced down, her face illuminated by the screen.
“What happened?” I asked.
She hesitated, her eyes meeting mine with a look of pity. “Adam Schefter just posted the results of the MRI—Deshaun Watson tore his Achilles. He’s out for the year.”
For a moment, everything froze. I could feel the weight of the news pressing down, but then…a smile slowly crept across my face. My heart raced, not from fear, but from opportunity.
“That means the Browns passing offense might finally be fantasy viable,” I muttered, the words slipping out before I could stop them. “David Njoku…Nick Chubb…hell, Cedric Tillman is on waivers right now.”
Samantha’s eyes widened, her face pale as she backed away.
She didn’t have to say it. I already knew—I was too far gone.
Happy Halloween Worst League! 🎃 🏈
I hope you enjoyed that spooky tale of fantasy horror inspired by the real-life terrors inflicted upon fantasy rosters across the league last week. Sure, maybe it’s recency bias. But it really does seem like this year has been more tricks than treats when it comes to injuries.
Speaking of treats, let’s take a look at this week’s Power Rankings.
Talk about scary! Alex is your new Power Rankings co-leader.
Well, that was terrifying.
While the rest of the league limped to the finish line in Week 7, Alex poured in a career-high 185.34 points—fourth-most all time and the most in a single game in nearly two years. Almost every player in his lineup scored 20 points (including his D/ST) and his players accounted for an eye-popping 11 TDs. (Geez, I get it, Alex. Your team—not just the defense—is good.)
As a result, Alex won his second weekly prize of the season and scored enough true wins to overtake Geoff—last week’s co-leader—and tie Jess for the top spot in the Power Rankings. It should also be noted that he leads her, and all other team owners, in points.
Some quick news and notes from around the league this week:
This is Alex’s second week this season with at least a share of the lead in the Power Rankings. The last time he spent multiple weeks on top of the rankings—2018. That was the infamous Thanos year when he had one of the most dominant squads of all time, ranking second in TW% in league history.
After a one-week blip, Jess was back to her winning ways. She has now a league-best 6-1 record and is close to securing her playoff spot. In league history 92% of 6-1 teams have gone on to make the playoffs. With her points total, she may need only one more win to do it.
Geoff got a big game from Lamar Jackson to defeat Brandon in Week 7. He now ranks first in QB scoring, averaging 25.4 ppg. And though his RB scoring ranks 11th, it helps that Nick Chubb finally made his debut in Geoff’s lineup last week. The arrow is pointing up for a team owner who missed the playoffs last year and has not been to the title game since 2016.
Bad news for Samantha—she just lost Chris Godwin (WR2) for the year.
Good news for Samantha—DeAndre Hopkins just got traded to the Chiefs. Also, Tua Tagovailoa is back, which means the return of the salad days for De’Von Achane.
Beth Ann is the best team in the league with a losing record currently. Despite being 3-4, she’s tied for fourth in this week’s rankings. That’s because she’s finished at or near (one spot below) the top half of the rankings in six out of seven weeks but has not been lucky with her schedule. In fact, she’s only one of two team owners who has scored at least 100 points in every week this season. The other—Geoff.
Down week for Chelsie with 82.04 points—her worst score of the season. That’s what happens when you go away from the Bash Brothers lineup of George Kittle and Brock Bowers, not that it would have made a difference in the result. Let’s see if Chelsie goes back to the double TEs in Week 8.
Brandon was cruising to a victory with 58.4 combined points from Jahmhyr Gibbs and Joe Mixon when the injury bug bit. The early losses of Jayden Daniels (ribs) and Deebo Samuel (illness) probably cost Brandon the win. Also, this is now the sixth of seven weeks Brandon has started the wrong QB. 🤦♂️
Don’t look now but Gray is now 3-4. After starting 1-4, Gray has picked up two wins in a row since he dealt Tyreek Hill for Garrett Wilson. This week was a “lucky win” over Greco, but a win’s a win. And now, he has Cooper Kupp and soon T.J. Hockenson returning to his lineup. All of which is a reminder that you count Gray out at your own peril.
Ironically, Josh had his biggest week of the season with a season-high 136.56 points in a loss to Alex. This season’s luckiest team owner picked up his first “unlucky loss,” but the gain in true wins will push him up the Power Rankings into ninth place. Hopefully, this is a good sign of things to come, DK Metcalf injury notwithstanding.
That’s three bad weeks in a row for Greco who’s had easily the worst team in the league over the last three weeks, while averaging 77.7 ppg. The next-worst team owner—107.6 ppg. That’s a big gap. But the good news? Jonathan Taylor and Puka Nacua are back, baby! Greco’s first- and second-round picks should provide a major shot in the arm.
Big games have been hard to come by for reigning champ Erik who had his third game of under 100 points. Despite spending a third-round pick on Sam LaPorta at TE, Erik ranks last in TE scoring with just 6.5 ppg. And with Travis Etienne injured (his only RB drafted in the first seven rounds), that means RB scoring has also suffered—25.1 ppg, which ranks 10th.
After two great weeks, Kelly posted another stinker. With just 80.44 points, this was the fifth time this season that Kelly has scored the fewest points in a given week. At 1-6, she faces some long odds to make the playoffs. In fact, I would call it the point of no return. In league history, this is the worst record that anyone has ever had and still made the playoffs—Nick in 2016. After starting 1-6, Nick reeled off six straight wins to end the season and finish 7-6. Though a six-team playoff didn’t exist at the time, Nick would have made the playoffs if one had existed. So take heart, Kelly! There’s still a chance. And the regular season is even one game longer now, which means you have a little more wiggle room.
Happy haunting, fantasy fiends! May your team dodge injury nightmares and your matchups be as scary-good as your favorite horror flick. Until next week—stay spooky, stay savvy and remember…fantasy isn’t for the faint of heart.
