Week 3 Power Rankings
In honor of the passing of legendary rapper Coolio (and quite possibly Alex’s fantasy football team), I thought I’d rewrite his iconic song, “Gangsta Paradise,” but for fantasy football. (If Weird Al, can do it…) As Gray noted in the chat, both figure heavily in Dangerous Minds, the movie that inspired Alex’s team name this year. So hat tip to Gray for the idea.
So click this link, turn up the volume and enjoy…
As I sit on the toilet with my fantasy app
I take a look at my phone
And realize my team is crap
’Cause I’ve been boozin’ and losin’ so long, that
Even Nicholas thinks that my hopes are gone
But I ain’t never pick a rookie
That didn’t deserve it
Me drafting on auto, you know that’s unheard of
I’m a fantasy savant with a trophy on my mind
Got my phone in my hand and a trade in my eye
Fool, playoffs ain’t nothin’
But a pipe dream to me
I’m pickin’ waivers day-by-day,
GAH DAMN another injury?!
I’m 0-3 now, but will I live to see 0-4?
The way things is goin’ I don’t know
Been spendin’ most our lives
Livin’ in fake football paradise
Check waivers late at night
Livin’ in fake football paradise
Chasing upside is my vice
Livin’ in fake football paradise
To be a champ would be so nice
Livin’ in fake football paradise
RIP Coolio 🪦💔🕊
Scoreboard
Brandon finally gets a win in emphatic fashion, leading all scorers in Week 3 with 153.3 points.
Where’d all the points go? With teams averaging just 105.6 points, this was the third lowest-scoring week of the PPR era. And it was the lowest ever for a non-bye week in the PPR era.
Chelsie and Josh moved to 3-0 following wins over Greco and Nick. Brandon, who claimed this week’s weekly prize, and Samantha picked up their first wins of the season, beating Gray and Geoff, respectively. And finally, Jess and Erik defeated last year’s title game participants—Beth Ann and Alex, the latter of whom is the only winless team owner left in the league.
Power Rankings
For the first time this season, Chelsie must share the top spot with another team owner.
T1. Chelsie
Not her best performance of the season, but she scored more than enough points to get the win. As a result, Chelsie remains undefeated in her first season. In fact, the only other team owners to start their careers 3-0 are Brandon and Gray in 2011 and Josh in 2014. Also of note, 3-0 teams have gone on to make the playoffs 85% of the time, including four previous champions. The only exceptions? Nick in 2014 who lost nine of his next 10 games and Whitney last year who finished 7-7, missed the playoffs and lost in the Poop Bowl. But if you ask me, this team is built to last.
T1. Gray
Despite his first loss of the season, Gray scored enough points in defeat to move into a tie for first place in the Power Rankings. Believe it or not, this is his first time back on top since 2017, which is before we even had this website. (Yes, he won the championship in 2019, but Josh dominated the ranks that year.) That’s quite the drought for Gray considering he leads the league in weeks atop the Power Rankings with 41 (out of 156) weeks. Which at 26% is just staggering. Remarkably from Week 5 of 2015 through Week 12 of 2017, Gray held the top spot for 24 out of 34 weeks—the longest such streak of consecutive dominance in league history. And, of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t belatedly celebrate Gray's 100th career victory, which he picked up in Week 2. Salute on being the first to a very cool milestone. 🫡
3. Josh
Another week, another nail-biter. Josh eked out his third straight victory by little more than a touchdown. In fact, his three wins have come by an average margin of victory of just 4.3 points. Instrumental in his win yet again was Lamar Jackson, Week 3’s leading scorer with 39.42 points. Jackson has been phenomenal, and as a result, Josh leads all team owners in QB scoring with 34.1 ppg. But you have to wonder if a little of this is fool’s gold. Not to say that Jackson can’t keep this up. (He’s awesome.) But Josh is 1st in D/ST scoring and 3rd in points from kickers, both of which are a little flukey. And by contrast, he ranks 12th in RB scoring and 9th at WR—the bread and butter of fantasy goodness. With those narrow margins of victory, any slippage from Jackson could spell doom. Still, 3-0 is 3-0.
4. Brandon
One week after a very painful 0.04-point loss, Brandon left no doubt in Week 3, trouncing Gray and claiming his first weekly prize of the year and the 17th of his career. With back-to-back weeks of monster scoring efforts, Brandon now leads the league in scoring with 136.6 ppg. He’s also the only team owner to currently rank in the top half of the league in scoring at QB, RB, WR and TE. And there’s more points where that came from as Khalil Herbert and Romeo Doubs both topped 20 points on the bench. Tuff stuff. 😤
5. Nick
Nick has been solidly consistent. So far, he’s finished with the sixth-most points in the league each week this season. That’s right in the middle of the pack, which puts him fifth in the Power Rankings despite his 1-2 start. And though Rashod Bateman and Allen Robinson (not again 🤦♂️) disappointed in Week 3, you have to be thrilled with Saquon Barkley (currently RB1). Plus, signs of life from Kyle Pitts (13.7 points)! Seems like Nick will most definitely be a factor in the playoff race as he hopes to reach the postseason in back-to-back years for the first time in his career.
6. Erik
Justin Herbert soldiered through a painful rib injury, helping Erik to his second win of the season. Though he ranks 11th in WR scoring, help might be on the way. Marquise Brown had a season-high 28.0 points. And on the bench, promising youngsters DeVonta Smith (30.9 points) and Chris Olave (23.7) had nice days, themselves. In fact, all three ranked in the top-12 of non-QB scorers in Week 3. Combine that with the leagues’ most potent rushing attack (Dalvin Cook, Joe Mixon and Clyde Edwards-Helaire) and you’ve got a deep, talented squad. The only hiccup? “Too Many Cooks” may become “Not Enough Cooks” with team namesake Dalvin possibly missing some time with a shoulder injury.
7. Geoff
This isn’t “average” Geoff. It's “wildly erratic” Geoff. I honestly have no idea what to make of this roster, which has yo-yoed from 80.06 points to more than double that (163.38) and now back down to 104.14. From Austin Ekeler to DK Metcalf to Amon-Ra St. Brown, these guys pass the eye test. But the results haven’t always been there. But for a team that lost Dak Prescott in Week 1, I think they’ve handled the adversity relatively well. And CeeDee Lamb (season-high 22.7 points) came close to helping Geoff pull off a comeback on Monday night. Moving forward, this team should only get better as it gets healthier with Prescott and J.K. Dobbins returning in short order.
T8. Jess
Not all 2-1 teams are created equal. Jess got lucky in Week 3 with a win over Beth Ann despite just 92.16 points scored. That’s the fewest points in a win this season and the fifth-fewest in the PPR era. As Jess noted, there was plenty of scoring on her bench, which ironically outscored her starters even without the kicker and defense. This team reminds me of Jess’ team last year, which, by virtue of waiting on QB, featured lots of depth but some difficult decisions. Case in point, Cordarrelle Patterson has now topped 20 points twice in Weeks 1 and 3. Jess started him in Week 2 when he scored 4.1 points. Doh! 😩
T8. Samantha
Samantha got off the schneid in Week 3, defeating Geoff for her first win of the season while finishing in the top half of the league in scoring for the first time this season. Alvin Kamara continues to underwhelm, but 10th-rounder James Robinson (currently RB3) has been a steal. With guys like Kamara (RB54), Ezekiel Elliott (RB39), DJ Moore (WR61) and T.J. Hockenson (TE12) all playing well below their potential, I think this team is due for a positive regression. Not to mention Alexander Mattison may soon feature in the starting lineup if Dalvin Cook does indeed miss time. I would rate this team as a buy low.
10. Beth Ann
Just two weeks ago this team was second in the Power Rankings. Now Beth Ann has freefallen all the way to the 10th spot, following two straight weeks of sub-100 scoring. But the worst news is the shoulder injury to D’Andre Swift, which could cause him to miss the next three weeks. Without another surefire starting RB on this roster (Tony Pollard looks like the next man up), that could be an issue. Hurry back, Swift!
11. Greco
That’s three weeks in a row with scores that rank in the bottom half of the league for Greco who is lucky to be 1-2. On its face, I don’t hate this team. But are there three more boom/bust WRs than Ja’Marr Chase, Gabe Davis and Mike Williams? Those are three big-play WRs who rely on chunk yardage rather than receptions. Combine that with two backs who rarely catch passes (Nick Chubb and David Montgomery) and you can see why Greco ranks 10th in receptions despite spending three of her first five picks on pass-catchers. And now Montgomery may miss time with an ankle and knee injury. Luckily, Jamaal Williams is waiting in the wings. If Brady’s receivers can get healthy, I think this team could certainly have a pulse.
12. Alex
Broncos Country, let’s ride...off a cliff. Courtland Sutton looks okay, but Russell Wilson scored just 9.06 points in Week 3 and is currently QB23. And now Alex’s team is the only winless team in the league with a TW% of .061. It’s not over yet. A quarter of teams who started 0-3 have rebounded to make the playoffs (or would have if a six-team playoff existed). Most recently, that includes Samantha in 2019. BUT...this is tied for the WORST start in Worst League history with Geoff’s 2015 team, which also started with a 2-31 true record. That team finished 4-9. If he’s going to avoid a similar fate, Alex could really use his second- and third-round picks, Mike Evans and Keenan Allen, returning to the lineup.
Looking Ahead to Week 4
Alright, surely Alex won’t go 0-4. He gets his chance to honor Coolio with a matchup against Josh who has dodged defeat three weeks in a row. Something’s gotta give.
As for the other games, I’m eyeing the contest between last year’s champion, Beth Ann, and this year’s newcomer, Cheslie, who’s doing a pretty good Beth Ann impression so far. Other matchups include Geoff vs. Brandon, Samantha vs. Jess, Greco vs. Erik and Gray vs. Nick.
See you in Week 4…
🎶 Why are we so blind to see…
That the ones fake football hurts is you and me.
